A single mom has been applauded online for banning her friend bringing her 7-year-old daughter to an “adult evening” she was hosting.
The parent shared the saga to Mumsnet, under username Kitchenlight, where she asked if she, or her friend, was being unreasonable.
The mom explained she was throwing an event at her house for mutual friends from abroad, in town for the first time in three years.
One of the guests, who she referred to as A, let her know in advance her babysitter canceled, and as such she faced either bringing her daughter, or not being able to come as her husband was working.
Kitchenlight said the little girl was a “fabulous child,” but admitted: “I really want an adult evening and her daughter will inevitably change the dynamic and shift my visitors’ attention away from the other adult guests.
“I said I would prefer it to be an adults only evening but of course if she couldn’t find a babysitter she should bring her daughter.
“A said she had no other options for babysitting so I offered to help her find someone and she said yes please.”
While the mom didn’t confirm where she’s based, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics stated the median pay for childcare workers was $13.22 per hour, as of May 2021.
There are variations among states, with the District of Columbia paying the most, with a $17.93 hourly mean wage.
The top end of the scale could have seen the friend potentially out of pocket to the tune of more than $50 if she stayed for four hours, according to the national mean wage.
While if she lived in a pricier state, that could rise to more than $70 for the same time frame.
Website Sittercity noted the hourly wage doesn’t include extras, saying: “Fifty-four percent of families report that they sometimes or always tip their nannies. Fifty percent of nannies are compensated for their travel expenses.”
The post, which can be read here, amassed more than 170 responses since being shared on Monday.
The single mom went on to detail the lengthy process of finding her friend a suitable babysitter.
She initially recruited a “known, trusted and cheap” person, but A then turned around and claimed she couldn’t afford it, all the while hinting her daughter wanted to come.
“I reiterated I’d prefer it to be an adult only evening and that I’d love her to be there and said I’d pay for the babysitter (it seemed the simplest solution).
“A said she couldn’t accept me paying and reiterated her daughter really wanted to come and said they could both arrive early and leave early (which will be sad for my guests, but also awkward … at what point will they leave?),” she continued.
As she promised her guests an adult evening she pushed back, and although she signed off the post asking for advice, in the comments she shared the aftermath of their conversation.
The mom, who ruled out her own teenage kids being able to babysit the girl if her mom brought her along, then asked her niece to babysit.
The chart below, provided by Statista, shows parent occupying kids with technology.
“I’ve explained that I really do like her daughter and it’s partly because her daughter is so engaging that I’m worried she will pull attention away from the adults (this is true).
“I’ve suggested that she come for half an hour with her daughter and then my young relative comes and picks her up and takes her home for a babysit. I’ve told her my niece will do it for free in exchange for references.
“My niece is a super nice older teen who also babysits and is great with kids. I think this is really fair (beyond fair. I’ve never had another adult arrange my childcare for me, and free to boot (I’ll actually pay my niece),” she said.
But this option was also rejected, as her daughter “refused,” and the friend again asked if she could bring her kid, as she’s now “crying.”
The host finally put her foot down, and her friend ended up saying her husband will babysit after all.
Although the mom fumed: “It’s really weird. I am quietly incandescent with rage.”
Fellow Mumsnetters agreed, as ItsJustLittleOlMe wrote: “She is being very pushy about her daughter attending, isn’t she? She’s being rude. I’d say that as it was an adult only event, you could perhaps catch up the next day or another time.”
Christonabike37 wrote: “I’d be really p****d off if I was one of your other guests and I’d arranged and paid for a babysitter to spend my evening with someone else’s 7yo. Either all kids come or none do. It’s either an adults or a family party and why should some have to pay for babysitters if others don’t?”
OnTheBrinkOfChange added: “All you can do is say that’s a shame, let me know if you change your mind about the babysitter. Having a 7-year-old that will change the whole dynamic and quite frankly ruin it!”
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
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